In the last part of our new series, we examined the woeful neglect of the Bermuda Triangle phenomenon recently. In this chapter we ask the question: What the hell ever happened to the Loch Ness Monster?

First reported in 1933, there was right up into the 70s a lot of fairly serious scientific research and debate regarding the subject matter and results have been said to be “inconclusive” in spite of some scientific, as well as much more anedoctal support.

Seems to me we’ve made some pretty big advances in sonar imaging technology since 1971, and now would be a great time to mount another serious scientific endavour. Might we not be able to test the water for evidence of “Nessie poo”? I mean, something that big is gonna make one huge pile of shit over a million years or so. Perhaps we could pull a Mr. Burns and simply drain the lake (we can put the water back can’t we?)

Nope, the problem with Nessie isn’t that she’s been proven a hoax, but that we’ve just gotten too damned lazy and unimaginative. We need to stop wasting research dollars on cures no one wants to find anyway and start putting money in places where we can make real progress. And it could be profitable too, I mean, imagine the fortune to the biotech firm that patents her DNA, every kid in America could own their own minature ‘water horse’.

fuck, and when we find Nessie, its not even like she’s the only monster of the deep to go catch. Look at this list of water monsters. Catch ’em all and send ’em to Seaworld I say and give the killer whales a break. Feeding time would be way more entertaining I garuantee you.

By the way, how is it we can’t agree on whether or not Nessie even exists, but we all agree that the gender we should assign to  a giant mythological sea-cow should rightly be female?

What the hell ever happened to Nessie?  (The Loch Ness Monster)?

As I kid I was fascinated by the idea that some giant prehistoric beast was able chill in wee lake in Scotland